Hint 1: to Positive Parenting of Teenagers & Children
Hint 1: To Positive Parenting of Teenagers / Children
(these general principles can also be applied to your parenting with other aged youth as well)
We all know relationships go through ups and downs… this includes relationships with our children, especially as they become teenagers!
While some teenagers like to go with the flow, others begin to test boundaries as they become a young adult. In our “On the Family” section this fall, we are focusing on positive parenting and ways to grow and flourish during your children’s teen years!
This week we are focusing on Hints to Positive Parenting:
Hint 1:
When things get heated, we always try to de-escalate!
Press the Pause Button:
As a parent, instead of just responding or reacting, think first, and pause. Ask yourself
What is the best way to manage this situation?
What way do I want to respond?
What result do I want?
What is it that they are needing from me right now?
Take a deep breath and count to 10…
If your child is being disrespectful towards you - press the pause button and refuse to participate. Instead wait for a better time to resolve the conflict when things are not so heated. This keeps both of you from saying mean or hurtful things to each other and makes room for a constructive conversation while also teaching your teen to remain calm and respectful in difficult situations.
As the parent, reflect on how you will handle different situations, but also with good planning and communication, you can avoid many problems. Additionally, including your teenager in the planning (for example family trips etc), becomes more helpful, and helps them to feel included. Include time for you to spend with your teenager… even when things seem hectic. This helps keep communication lines open between you and your teenager.
Lastly, think about the type of parent you want to be and would like to be… start healing the gap between who you are and what that looks like (that is realistic). Remember to listen and compromise - take time to listen to your child’s point of view. If there are siblings, help them to recognize that as teenagers, they can sort out some of their disagreements themselves without your help.
Focus on the goal of what you want to happen - what way do you want to parent?
Focus on what you can do - instead of waiting for your teenager to change, what can you do to help, or how can you make the situation better?
Focus on what has worked in the past… if a teenager only likes to talk about deep stuff on the weekends, then wait until the weekend to talk about it. Or if they have more time to talk after dinner, then talk after dinner.
Ask yourself what it is that your child or teenager is needing from you right now. This will help you to stay grounded and focused on the actual problem instead of all the little details. While listening to what they are telling you, ask yourself what they are needing from you right now and what the underlying issue really is.
And as always, if something isn’t working, try something different. Remember you were once a teenager as well .. remember what it was like for you as a teen and how you felt as as teenager. Sometimes it is also helpful to speak with your teen about what things were like then (in a positive way) and things you struggled with as well as a teen just as they are struggling.
Based on: Parenting Teenagers: A Guide to Solving Problems, Building Relationships and Creating Harmony in the Family ~ By John Sharry
With Analysis, Insight, Writing and Perspective by Mary E. Grenchus