Being a child is difficult!

Think of all the people that see you everyday, those you know and don’t know … and then all the ones that are alot taller than you - while you are also figuring out how to be in the world and what you are allowed to do or not allowed to do…. Children and Teens are figuring out how to exist in the world in a world that they have yet to understand.

As a parent, it is easy to forget what it felt like to be a teen or a child.

To appreciate what it is like to be a child or a teenager, it can help to remember what it was like for you when you were growing up. To do this, engage in the following exercise:

1. Take a few moments to think and reflect, pick out specific events and details that you remember, how you were feeling, what people were saying, what things looked like. Then move forward in the timeline of your childhood.. think about what you noticed about your journey…write down what you experienced. This will allow you to reconnect with your childhood. Remember the good and the bad… by remembering these common issues and concerns and the good memories you have taken another step to understand your child.

2. Some of the major concerns children and teens have are whether their friends or others will like them, will anyone ask them out while their friends are being asked out, if they do or do not fit in with others, what to do about things others are doing and what to do about things like drugs and alcohol… will they do well on their tests or exams, how they can please their family, what they want to do with their life and will they get an excellent job that they love. Ask your child about these areas….

3. What children and teens are seeking from their family: most children and teens want their parents to trust them and have faith in them. They want some level of privacy - they want to talk to their parents about certain things without everyone knowing, they want to be treated fairly.

To be a positive influence on your child or teen start trying to understand their perspective and to know their world and what is happening in their world. Be genuinely interested in your child / teen and all they do. You want to know their opinions and feelings. You want to understand why they love what they love, let them share about their interests with you. Give them room to speak and to explain to you their excitement about something and why they are excited about it. Instead of being critical, listen for their truth and be genuinely curious to learn about their world. Become a supportive coach, helping to think things through and make decisions.

Spend 1 on 1 time with your child or teen and do things that they are interested as well as things you want to share with them (like a trip to a museum, concert etc.)

Also share your experiences with them, they can also learn from your mistakes as a child or teen. But also, when you share your experience they don’t feel as alone and it helps them to begin to navigate through their own thoughts, feelings, and fosters a deeper connection with you.

Spend quality time together as a family. This will also help to keep them grounded and to continue to grow their relationship skills. When you do something for someone else, include your child… if you are working on a special project, include your child or teen in the project. Include your child or teen in planning for the holidays and holiday activities… As the holidays are fast approaching, take the time to bring them along for the events you have to do or plan… include them in the planning. Ask them what they would like, what they love most about the holidays and what some of their favorite memories are of the holidays. And ask them what some new things are they would like to do during the holidays.

Based on: Parenting Teenagers: A Guide to Solving Problems, Building Relationships and Creating Harmony in the Family ~ By John Sharry

With Analysis, Insight, Writing and Perspective by Mary E. Grenchus

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