Romance, Sex, and Marriage! Yes! We said it!! Romance, sex and marriage! How does this relate to being lovestruck vs in love - having true love, and what does this really look like in today’s world? Many people would come up with many different answers to this question…But this particular posts examines this through the lens of The Song of Solomon… to understand the “How” we have to understand the “Why” ! We are talking all things Sexual Intimacy in this post and a couple of the ones to follow! While we usually focus on all different types of forms of intimacy, we usually do not delve deeply into sexual intimacy ~ however, we wanted to save this topic until now, when we could take our time uncovering some of the deeper truths.

1. The Mystery of Physical Attraction

In the Song of Solomon, we see the main character is a woman who is passionately in love and attracted to a man that has captured her heart, mind, body, and soul. The story begins when she is already head of heels in love with the man. She is clearly physically attracted to him, flirtation is present, wondering about the other including their feelings and desires all which is also part of the natural process of walking toward deeper commitment and intimacy. This is also part of the universal experience of falling in love and being drawn by the mystery /mysteriousness of the other person. God created men and women to be attracted to each other - God created attraction…and the attraction extends to all the senses. The woman longs for deeper intimacy with the person she is in love with. “For your love is better than wine.” (Song 1:2) Part of being in love is realizing you do not want to live without the other person. You desire permanence with them.

The woman references the kiss here because the kiss is one of the most intimate exchanges between two people.. When the kiss is passionate and full of love, it enables the couple to enter into deeper communion with each other, and opens each other up more deeply to the other. In most cases when we kiss someone we love, or are called to be with, there is a deeper spark of feelings and emotions that come to the surface. Jaynes claims even our kisses in a relation can be an act of worship and adoration of God for the person God has given us. God specifically made us to enjoy kissing - and for mutual attraction and enjoyment. God created kissing. Jaynes advocates that the next time you kiss the love of your life, think about how happy God is that you are enjoying someone and something God created just for you.

Also in the mystery of physical attraction is the sensuality of scent. Not only was the woman “bedazzled by Solomon’s handsomeness” but according to Jaynes “she was also intoxicated by his yummy smell…she was attracted to the scent of him / a scent he was wearing etc. She was also allured by his character and being. Jaynes claims: “The Shulammite was drawn more to Solomon’s intoxicating perfumed oil or the scent of his skin: “ pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. (Song 1:3). The reference to his name is a reference to his character. Solomon means “peace” and references him as a Godly man. “Beyond his physical appearance, the Sulammite was attracted to his spiritual character and public reputation (11). Solomon was also attracted to her scent, as she was perfumed with one of the same ingredients used to perfume royal nuptial robes - and that is included in anointing oil.

We see that Solomon has a deep attraction to the Shulammite as well. Solomon is attracted to her, even despite her own insecurities. Solomon found the Shulammite alluringly beautiful and mysterious. The attraction itself was created by God and is a beautifully intricate part of God’s design. God created and fashioned, both man and woman, with all their intricacies…including our attractions, and the spark we feel when we kiss someone we love and are attracted to etc. God created physical attraction as a gift to enter more deeply into relationship with the person God has created for us.

2. The Deepening of Desire

In the deepening of desire, the more you get to know someone mentally, emotionally, spiritually, the deeper your desire will grow to get to know someone physically. The developing of an intimate friendship is the foundation for maintaining a “forever relationship.” Deep, abiding friendship is a cornerstone for a marriage that goes the distance and lasts throughout time. Both Solomon and the Shulammite knew they would be forever friends. Solomon calls the Shulammite his darling, dearest, and love. The Shulammite was his love, his intimate friend and lifelong companion. This is a friendship that is unbreakable because of the trust, loyalty, and things shared creating an unbreakable bond between the two. They wanted to be near to each other and were interested not only in each other but interested in what interested each other. In the Song of Solomon we see mutual praise. While the Shulammite was insecure, God gave her the mirror of Solomon to see her true beauty; they both have mutual affection and passion for each other as we see him refer to her as beautiful and we see her refer to him as handsome. Again, he refers to her as “rayati” - Hebrew for darling and my love. She refers to him as “dodi” Hebrew for beloved. They both leave eachother feeling loved, adored, and preferred. They both nourished each other’s souls, whole heartedly complimenting each other, affirming each other, admiring each other.

We later see the Shulammite refer to their bed as verdant (Song 1:16-17) … “a metaphor of their growing love to the shade of a spreading tree and the fruitfulness of the love that the couple enjoyed. She saw their love as growing deep roots, spreading branches, and reaching to the heights not yet known….Solomon followed her tree analogy by referencing the beams of their future home, reflecting on the strength and stable support of their love canopy” (29-30).

They were both lovestruck and lovesick for each other. They both invite each other to a lifelong love, continuing to pursue each other’s heart, with a sense of belonging and longing. The Shulammite refers to King Solomon as King - but knows him more deeply and intimately than just as a king, however, the Shulammite sees Solomon as a shepherd to care for her, love her, and guide her tenderly as opposed to a king to rule over her or dominate her. Solomon refers to the Shulammite as a shepherd as well in the sense of someone to love him, care for him, and guide him tenderly vs. dominating him, controlling him, or manipulating him. Solomon refers to her as his - in the sense that she belonged to him because she had given herself to him - denoting equality, not ownership or possession. The Shulammite woman makes this clear when she says: “My beloved is mine and I am his.” They knew they belonged to each other and with each other, which further deepened their desire for each other.

Want to know more?!

Stay tuned for our Next Post which goes into “Saying I DO and Meaning I WILL and Unlocking the Secret Garden….”

(Based on Lovestruck: Discovering God’s Design for Romance, Marriage, & Sexual Intimacy from the Song of Solomon by Sharon Jaynes)

With Analysis, Insight, Writing and Perspective by Mary E. Grenchus

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