True Love: on Isolation in Relationships....And How to Overcome It!
True Love: on Isolation in Relationships…
As the holidays are fast approaching…. we are offering this topic to help others overcome this hidden abuse and manipulation.
This is a reminder that:
True love is inclusive. True love invites the other in. True love doesn’t isolate the other from their friends and family. That is a sign of an abusive relationship and manipulation.
Always include the other in your thoughts and feelings, instead of isolating the other. Tell the other person if something is bothering you that the other preson/persons may have done … discuss what you would like to see change. Discuss different things you would like to do together with your friends and family. Keep each other in the loop about each other, as well as each other’s family. Trust the other person not to use it to manipulate you. Hold on to open communication, as well as spending time with family and friends and spending time with them with the people you love. I also believe when you truly love someone you make them a priority in your life - even despite the manipulations of other people. It is not true love if someone tells you to give up all of your friends and family, or whatever is important to you, or what and who you care about the most. True love supports the other and cares about what you care about the most. True love creates for you and with you, and helps find ways forward when you can’t figure it out for yourself. True love supports you in doing what you are passionate about. True love will want to meet your friends and family, and will encourage you to have healthy relationships with others.
Isolating someone from their friends and family is not true love. It is manipulative and abusive. Whether a guy is doing it or a girl is doing it. Whether it is an individual, or someone’s friends or family, or people an individual knows ….. if they are encouraging them to isolate someone / someone else from their friends and family - that is also abusive and manipulative … and they aren’t the person’s true friends. In a relationship based on true love you both become one together, however, you still maintain friendships with other people, attend things with friends (and invite the person you are in love with along), as well as have one on one quality time with each other. This is part of the balance of a healthy relationship. However, when abusive behavior is involved, the partner, friend, or family member will try to isolate the other from friends and family. The abuser slowly severs all emotional ties except the one to him/her—this is one of the earliest signs of emotional and/or physical abuse. And unfortunately, it is extremely effective, subtle, and difficult to detect. Sometimes it goes undetected until it is too late.
Some warning signs that someone - a partner, family member or friend is trying to isolate you and/or isolate you from your support network.
Said person insists on as much one on one time as possible
Said person checks in on you constantly
Said person insists on knowing all your passwords
Said person uses jealousy, guilt, envy, or other emotional manipulation including constant surveillance of you, they may get angry or abusive if you don’t return a call or text right away, they take away your freedom to socialize with other friends and family outside of the relationship.
Said person refuses to interact with your friends or family
Said person invents reasons why you should not see your friends and family.
Said person may try to financially isolate you - they may try to control how you earn or spend money.
not wanting you to leave your house or trying to make it so you are always home all the time and you cannot do anything else, essentially - you are a hostage in your dwelling place.
Said person may constantly criticize you or belittle you. They may mock you or speak sarcastically to you constantly, or constantly put you down.
They could have ordered you to stop going to the places or doing the things you once enjoyed and love doing, or they will take away the opportunities for you to do what you love and care about and ruin the opportunities you have to do what you are passionate about and to spend time with those you love and matter to you.
Said person will try to constantly keep you from who you love and care about because it offers them greater power and control (so they think). They will try to keep you alone and by yourself. They may also not spend time with you, nor let you spend time with others. They will purposely try to isolate you and make you feel like no one cares about you, values you, appreciates you, or loves you. They may try to make you give up everything you love and care about.
Said person might have asked or demanded that you not be around or communicate with people they suspect you are attracted to, or even long-term family or friends. Or people that you value and care about. They may try to prevent you from going out, or meeting up with friends or family or others for get togethers, or attending other people’s celebrations. They may try to make you feel bad when you do spend time with others that make you happy, bring you joy and that you love and care about. They may also try to purposely exclude you from things that they are doing or from being around other people they know (like their friends or family or people they work with etc).
With that being said… we are not saying your life should be all about others, and not have anything to do with the person you are in love with and care about. That would also be a problem. Ways to include others and work past isolation or an isolating person:
remember that you are allowed to have a human support system and social interactions, friends, and family. You are a social human being who is created with a desire to be social. God created you to be a social human being to interact with others and be in relationship with others, through your work, your friendships, your significant other relationship etc.
Join a local place of worship, club or organization. This will further expand your circle of friends and your networks.
Throw a party get-together or playdate. Invite people over to your home, or go over to theirs, or schedule time for a playdate with other parents and children.
reconnect with yourself and your past, review what your life used to be like vs. now. What brought you joy and who did you enjoy spending time with…what brings you joy now and who do you enjoy spending your time with? Be gentle with yourself and celebrate progress.
join a support group or a transformational coaching group to help you through and to keep you grounded in the changes you would like to see take place in your life.
Go outside and be a part of the community. Make a goal for yourself to be an active member of the community and enjoy the comforts of your city or town. Getting into the public sphere opens opportunities for building friendships and relationships. You can also give back by volunteering.
If you were/are in an abusive relationship, ensure you stay safe.
The right person will love you for you, will care about who and what you care about, and someone who truly loves you (in a relationship or a family member or friends) will value and respect what and who that is. They will enjoy spending time with you without controlling you or trying to isolate you from others.
Prevent others from falling into the trap of abusive relationships (including your children…) teach them to have healthy relationships and interactions with others. Advocate for them to also have a social life, and a balance between different activities, quiet time, alone time, and spending time with others. This holiday season, include those you love, and reach out to those you haven’t seen in awhile. Schedule yourself and your family to go to different events around you and in the community.
Do something different. Change up what you normally do for the holiday. Become more active and engaged during the holiday and encourage others to do the same. Treat others with kindness and love. Encourage others to spend time with those they love and care about.
