True Love: Being Happy Together - Part IV
When we talk about the topic of True Love: Being Happy Together … this includes moving from selfishness to companionship, becoming together, interpersonal communion, the gift of each other, welcoming and accepting each other, attentiveness and truthfulness, sharing yourself with each other, making sacrifices for each other, making room for each other in each other’s life, forgiving each other and asking for forgiveness, comforting and helping each other heal, being at the service of the other, having courage and taking action.
The next question is What are the other pieces and what do they truly include and look like concretely in every day life?
9. Comfort and Help Each Other Heal
Just as Christ heals and comforts his bride, the church, you are to comfort and help your spouse heal. Love heals in many ways and marital love is a great source of strength and courage during difficulty. Help your beloved to know they are truly loved, despite setbacks, issues, or problems and despite the trials in life. Show your care and concern for your beloved. Comfort each other. Allow yourself to feel the love of one another and recognize that the love of the other is a true blessing and a great source of strength during difficulties.
Physical illness, pain, suffering, vulnerability - all of these are part of human life. But we were never meant to be alone in these. Healing is relational, and within marriage, husbands and wives become each other’s healers, physically, and spiritually. Remember that as spouses to each other, you have the power to heal and help each other. Additionally, your beloved is to be able to turn to you when they are sick or when they need help. Also, as your spouses helpmate, you are to consciously help each other or remind each other (a little bit different than nagging each other) to do what is best. You are called to be looking out for the best interest of your beloved.
Some people question the importance or goodness of marriage… or allow culture to jade them into singlehood for life, when marriage is a very beautiful path and can lead people to have a more fulfilling life. People who are happily married - in marriages based on True Love married people live longer, feel healtier, enjoy better mental health, are overall happier and more joyful, enjoy deeper and more meaningful physical intimacy, and are more productive. People who are married to each other sacrifice for each other because they love each other, they care about the health and well being of each other, encourage each other, pray for each other, grow in their spiritual life together, and pray together for their blessings, hopes, and concerns. Caring (ex. when each other are sick etc) for each other improves the quality of the relationship and leads to deeper happiness and fulfillment. Just as Jesus’ love and care for people healed them, so can your love and your care for your spouse. If you know that something is bothering your beloved, reach out to them, or if they are sick, take time to care for them and take care of them and be loving and compassionate towards them. Never under-estimate the power of your touch. “Touch has the power to nurture spouses physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It makes us feel connected to each other and it strengthens our intimacy. Touch soothes and energizes because is sends messages of care and love to the person who receives it (Bosio 124).”
Rather than making your spouse feel bad if they are unable to do something, or are not feeling well, or need help, or are struggling with something, or are having an issue with something, be the one with words that heal, instead of words that tear down. Give your spouse encouragement, praise, compliments and give advice. When speaking with your spouse, check your tone of voice and ensure the tone of your voice is one that is welcoming…take time to listen and be with your beloved. When your spouse is feeling down or sad, offer them cheer and to go do something together. If you are going to offer advice, make sure the delivery of your advice is not patronizing, a threat, or perceived as a putdown, and yes, sometimes it can be perceived this way no matter your tone because of the interior thoughts and feelings in the heart of the beloved and whatever they are struggling with or going through at the given time, guard against hurting your spouses feelings. Remember to talk to your spouse as a partner not as a parent… see them as the beloved. Express your words and questions in a loving way and a loving voice. We know this is not always possible, especially when a beloved does something that really hurts your feelings. When speaking with each other about a specific issue that needs to be healed etc remember why you are talking about it….the reason is to heal and to truly comfort - your words and actions are a true gift of yourself to your beloved. And do not doubt, you are your beloved’s best healer. If you are truly their friend, and both of your are grounded in true love … you are your beloved’s best healer. All of these little things also help you to grow in deeper intimacy with your spouse and in deeper love with your spouse. It continues to allow the bond of marriage to grow.
4 ways to open up more to your beloved, and offer healing and comfort:
Find an opportunity to hold your beloved’s hand.
find at least one way to give a loving touch a day that your beloved craves: a kiss, a hug, a back massage etc.
Give your beloved a compliment and use words that affirm the good in your beloved.
When your beloved gives you a suggestion or some advice, do not get defensive about it, but listen attentively. Think and reflect on what has been said, instead of reacting. If it is advice that does not align … tell them thank you, and tell them why you do not think it aligns etc..
Based on Happy Together by John Bosio )
With Analysis, Insight, Writing and Perspective by Mary E. Grenchus
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