True Love: A 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a Love: Love is Patient, but I'm Not... Pt I

A 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a Love ~

True Love and marriage is Joy. Joy is an expansion of the heart …this is fostered in true love and in marriage, leading to abiding joy in love. Christopher West emphasizes every marriage filled with true love is a “salvation story/Salvation history.” This includes God’s unconditional and infinitely merciful love for you. God’s unconditional and merciful love opens us up to share love with others, but also it is the foundation of the church, as well as marriage. This does not mean people are perfect in the marriage, or that couples themselves are perfect. … Imperfection is part of the art of marriage and unconditional love.

This witness to love shows boundless love to others. Love is that which is the foundation of all in the world. Love is a reflection of the divine in the world… and an expression of God’s divine love for us.

Love is Patient

“love does not immediately react harshly to the weakness and faults of others.” (The Joy of Love, 103)

Love is patient in this way, we are to cultivate patience, instead of responding angrily or aggressively towards others. Patience is the recognition that everyone has a right to life in the world, just as much as you do as an individual. Love, contains within it, compassion that leads to accepting the other as a part of the human family, even in moments when they act in ways we wish they would not. Or even when they are impatient with us. Most people who behave in aggressive ways instead of being patient, have a deep fear of rejection, suffer from insecurity inside of themselves to purposely spread physical insecurity to others. It is in these moments, that the person has not shown mercy, or put it into action. Pope Francis says we are to love people as they are, and to work through these moments of impatience with compassion. When we cause others pain, it is because we ourselves are in pain, whether it is through impatience or aggression. Let me clarify here though, Pope Francis does not justify abuse, especially in marriage.

Love is Kind

On a deeper level, love is kind, and expressed in the way one lives, and the goodness of the deeds that are done in one’s life, as well as the good deeds in one’s life towards others. Kindness is a voluntary response to help others, to be ready to do that which is good to others. Sometimes this leads us to look closely at the desire and needs of others, and to be ready to respond in love. To love someone is to “do good” to someone, or in relationship with someone or in relationship to a group of people, etc. Love shows it’s fruitfulness in marriage, as well as in giving, giving ourselves to another just for the pure pleasure of giving an serving. This is the type of love present in families - love gives and serves joyfully.

Love is not Jealous

“Envy is a form of sadness provoked by another’s prosperity; it shows that we are not concerned for the happiness of others, but only with our own well-being” (19)

Envy closes us in on ourselves, instead of reaching out to others, or instead of in service to others, where as love, calls us to serve and to think of others first. True love does not see the other as a threat, but rather, delights with the other in their success, when the other is using their gifts and talents for the good of others and all humanity. Love does not rejoice in wrong-doing or in envy. True love also discovers it’s own joy and happiness, while others continue down their path in the pursuit of happiness. Rather than having envy, they are inspired by others and support others in their dreams and in their pursuit of happiness that is in alignment with the good and the good of all. Envy and jealousy works as a way to control the other, to take away another person’s freedom “to be himself” (21). We see this envy, jealous, and resentment present in families and between families members sometimes in relation to their relationship with other members of the family, as well as in relation to siblings. However, to be truly loving, this needs to be rooted out. Apologizing to others when you recognize you are envious or jealous is important in order to heal relationships. Letting go of envy, jealousy, and resentment to establish a health, loving, kind relationship between members of the family is important for the family to survive. There have been many instances where we have also seen this envy and jealousy between spouses and their relationships with their children, or between spouses in relation to having friends. Again, in these moments, the envy and jealousy must be let go of for the spouses to have a healthy relationship with each other, and to grow more deeply in love, kindness, openness, and generosity towards others.

Love is not Boastful

Boasting is also shows that there is a lack of humility present in the family member. When one is boasting they feel as if they need to show others how much they do, or what they do because they do not feel that get enough love, attention or affection… or because they feel their ego needs to be inflated. When someone is focused on true love, the individual does not need to be the center of attention, let alone boast about whatever they do. That does not mean others should not receive recognition for what they do, or that others should not get credit for what they do. It means it does not need to be hyper-focused on. Remember that God is the one who is to receive the glory, we are just here to help that come to be. Additionally, one doesn’t keep glory for themselves, but shares their victories with others, and celebrates with others victories achieved together…. but even in this, one is not to be boastful. In marriage, the spouse should acknowledge the successes of their spouse and the successes of their children… again if you are focused in true love… and grounded in true love you will want to celebrate with the one you love, their successes. Yet at the same time, they create balance, where their spouse is not about being the center of attention but rather to be developed in spirit and in the spirit of humbleness towards others, and towards love and deeper love.

Love is not Arrogant

“What makes us important is a love that understands, shows concern, and embraces the weak.” (29)

Many times, in our arrogance, we try to disregard those who most need our help, or those who are marginalized. However this just furthers our arrogance and lack of love towards others. Instead, true love embraces the weak. It includes embracing our loved ones when they are sick, or when they are in need and when they are suffering. West states: “It is important for Christians to show their love by the way they treat family members who are less knowledgeable about the faith, weak or less sure in their convictions. At times the opposite occurs: the supposedly mature believers within the family become unbearably arrogant. Love, on the other hand, is marked with humility; if we are to understand, forgive, and serve others from the heart, our pride has to be healed and our humility must increase.” (32)

What are the other aspects of this type of true love? We will explore more in the next post!

Based on Love is Patient, but, I am Not by Christopher West )

With Analysis, Insight, Writing and Perspective by Mary E. Grenchus

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