TRUE LOVE: REAL LIFE LOVE PART III ~ SERVANTHOOD AND FREE TO LOVE
Loving relationships are one of the most important factors in our personal well-being. Our happiness and joy are in direct correlation to the love we feel in our relationships. Why? For one reason, it is only in the context of connection with others that our deepest needs can be met. Whether we like it or not, each of us has an unshakable dependence on others. ‘No Man is An Island.’ we need camaraderie, affection, friendship, and love. These are not options in life, or sentimental trimmings. They are part of our species’ survival kit. We need to belong. We need real life love.” (xii)
The next question is how can we grow more deeply in love?….
Growing in Love of Others
Servanthood: Real life love is all about service rather than self-satisfaction:
“Our identity as a free people of the world is rooted in the idea that freedom is our greatest gift - freedom to do what we want, act the way we want, worship the way we want, and love who we want….” When it comes to real life love, it is about service. Real life love becomes about the other person. Real life love is servanthood…”whoever wants to become great must become a servant.”
So lets think about those relationships in your life… are you friends with people just so they can open doors for you? Do they give you a special status? Are you seeing someone simply because they look good? Do you live in a “me” only culture and mindset? When you truly love someone and it is a real life love, you believe that the other is so valuable to you, that you want to put them and their interests over your own. True love and servanthood doesn’t come with bondage, oppression, or anger. It brings deeper love, intimacy, peace, and harmony. In fact, in choosing to be a servant and having a servant mindset, we actually become more free. We are called to use this freedom to serve one another in love… as we grow more deeply in love, we become more free, but also as you love others as you love yourself you become more free. Every act of lovingly serving the other in your relationship begins to plant the beautiful garden of your relationship.
You are here to be a helpmate to the other - God gave you as a gift to each other, and as a blessing to each other. When we serve for any reason besides demonstrating love because we truly love that person, we are not really reflecting who God truly is. Are you serving with a cheerful heart, ready and eager to go out of your way to help the people you love? Or are you serving just so you can get something out of someone? When you are serving out of true love and being really in love with someone, backed in a real life love, you are making an investment in your relationship with the other, but also, deepening love in your heart, as well as theirs.
2. Understanding Personality: Personality is the DNA of real life love:
So… how does personality fit in?
“God instilled in each one of us a special personality that is unique and designed only for us. As unique as a famous painting, your personality fits you in a way that is second to none (150).” Each person in the relationship has a unique personality, and both personalities have their strength’s and weakness.’ Understanding someone’s personality is part of the secret to uncovering real life love. “Personality is the DNA of real life love. (153).” In a relationship, it is important to have a basic understanding of who people are, why they do what they do, or say what they say, as well as who you are and why you do what you do, say what you say, or respond to the other in a certain way. The more you know about yourself, the greater the chance you will have a great relationship because you will have better understanding about the other, but also a better understanding of the dynamics at play in the relationship. Different personality dynamics include, being fast paced or slow paced, being task oriented or people oriented; these are just two examples - while there are many ways people’s personalities vary. The more you uncover who you truly are, the more you can understand about another being who they truly are. When it comes to relationships, this will help in discussing what you are willing to change or not change and what the other is willing to change or not change. This also will help you to understand more of the ways you can serve and truly love someone else for who they are.
3. Free to Love:
Don’t accept the lie that you are doomed to a life where relationships don’t mean anything….. the point is to have a relationship that is a real life love; remember love is not a fairytale. Love is a concrete reality that we live in and a concrete feeling we have, as well as a gift we give someone. Real life love includes honor, forgiveness, trials, servanthood, and understanding people. Real life love includes growing more deeply in love and where anger is present, finding out why and working through whatever that is. Real life love also relies on God’s mercy and love, as well as the truth of sacred scripture (in it’s correct interpretation - not the misuse or abuse of sacred scripture as is seen in some cases where people try to use their faith to only serve themselves and to hurt others). Real life love creates faith not fear. The spring of love “inside our hearts creates a powerful force of love in our life” (175). Love is something God creates for us. He pours it into our hearts and acts in love through us. Jesus / God shows the people in our life the love that we dream of. Furthermore, he and only he can create a new heart, a heart that exhibits healthy habits as well as deep abiding love.
While real life love can feel like a feeling, it is also a decision… it is a decision to live in love and be loving and exemplify love in your life, and to choose to reflect this nature of Christ/God to others. God is love and when we live a life of love we live in God and God lives in us. In this way, love becomes our home, love becomes home in us and matures in us, and in our relationship with the other. When you make the decision to open your heart in love, that is when love grows. The more you know who God is and that God is love, the more you can reflect love to other people give love to other people, and receive love from other people. Loving God also includes loving people - being love, and being loving towards others and in our relationships. But, if you are called to marriage, it also includes being in love with someone else, giving them love and affection and receiving love and affection from them etc and creating a life together with them.
That is what is next - stay tuned for our next post!
(Based on Real Live Love: Saying Goodbye to the Fairytale and Hello to True Relationships by Michael Gibson)
With Analysis, Insight, Writing and Perspective by Mary E. Grenchus
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MAY 17, 2022
