True Love: Real Life Love Part II

Loving relationships are one of the most important factors in our personal well-being. Our happiness and joy are in direct correlation to the love we feel in our relationships. Why? For one reason, it is only in the context of connection with others that our deepest needs can be met. Whether we like it or not, each of us has an unshakable dependence on others. ‘No Man is An Island.’ we need camaraderie, affection, friendship, and love. These are not options in life, or sentimental trimmings. They are part of our species’ survival kit. We need to belong. We need real life love.” (xii)

So what does Real Life Love - True Love Include?

Anger and Forgiveness :

“anger is our response to lies we believe about ourselves”

When you believe the anger evil has been able to trick you. Anger, either anger at yourself or anger at others can cause you to believe things that are not true… and make you begin to think you are not deserving of love. People say mean and hurtful things. That does not mean what they say is true. Although there may be some things said that are true, usually when someone is angry at you they also say things they do not mean. In the end, it is up to you whether you will forgive them or if you will forgive yourself, or both.

When someone gets angry at you or does something hurtful, we usually feel a form of rejection or that we aren’t good enough. Sometimes people build a stone wall around their hearts, to protect themselves from getting hurt again. Then fear and anxiety can kick in, causing you not to move forward in your relationship. What is most important to remember is that God loves both you and the other person. And just as God forgives, we are also called to forgive… ourselves and others. We are also not created to hold on to anger for very long. The brain and the body are created for love. When you hold on to anger, and can cause your positive emotions to dwindle. Anger can also spread havoc in your body. Forgiveness, and through releasing and letting go… causes healing.

Forgiveness: choosing not to forgive your offenders is like drinking poison and hoping the other person gets sick” (46). The best way to empty anger, hurt, and pain out of our hearts is forgiveness. Gibson claims if you allow anger to stay to long and don’t forgive, you are the one who lives the lie, not the other person, because you will continue to exist in the realm of chaos. The truth of who we are as people is that we are harmonious. God created us to live in harmony with God, with others, and with the planet. When we are angry at others, or do not forgive, we refuse to offer the other grace, or ourselves grace. Once you know of the forgiveness God has for you, you are much more able to spread that grace to others, and become more forgiving. While time doesn’t heal all wounds, forgiveness does. You can also be the first person to say: “I forgive you” and mean it. Through forgiveness you enter healing and freedom. Through forgiveness of the other, your love will blossom and bloom as you enter into healing and freedom. This will cause you to grow in love for God as well as for each other.

Growing in Love for God and each other….

Celebrating Trials: what treasures await in the deep places of your pain

Remember that everyone goes through trials and tribulations. Tribulations are a test of your faith, or stamina through subjection suffering or temptation” (82). Gibson claims trials and tribulations are: slimy, beautiful, messy blessings” (83). Like an oyster creates a pearl… tribulations create the pearls in our lives. You have to search for the treasure in the tribulation. Look at your tribulation with the eyes of faith. Many tribulations will cause you to grow in love, and learning how to love the other. God gives you the pearls and God is bigger than any tribulation or the trials that come in your life. “God is bigger than all of those things. He loves us in a way greater than our human minds can understand, and He uses these dark and murky trials to redeem us. He has a life-giving way of restoring anything for our good and for His glory” (87).

Trials produce wisdom, compassion, empathy, grace, and increased faith. Tribulations can also reveal to you who your greatest friends are. They can also produce God’s biggest miracles and for love to flood the earth. So when going through trials and tribulations in your relationship, with your beloved, remember that God is opening the door to deeper love and bonding the two of you together even more or in a better way. Ask how God is asking you to be more loving in the situation, and for the two of you to radiate light and love to others. Find the pearls together, with your beloved. (And as always, if God is calling you out of relationship with said person, God will make it very clear).

The next question is how can we grow more deeply in love?….

That is what is next - stay tuned for our next post!

(Based on Real Live Love: Saying Goodbye to the Fairytale and Hello to True Relationships by Michael Gibson)

With Analysis, Insight, Writing and Perspective by Mary E. Grenchus

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