Romance, Sex, and Marriage! Yes! We said it!! Romance, sex and marriage! How does this relate to being lovestruck vs in love - having true love, and what does this really look like in today’s world? Many people would come up with many different answers to this question…But this particular posts examines this through the lens of The Song of Solomon… to understand the “How” we have to understand the “Why” ! We are talking all things Sexual Intimacy in this post and a couple of the ones to follow! While we usually focus on all different types of forms of intimacy, we usually do not delve deeply into sexual intimacy ~ however, we wanted to save this topic until now, when we could take our time uncovering some of the deeper truths.

So what happens when you have little fears, and how do you say I DO and mean I WILL and Unlock the Secret Garden?

In the Song of Solomon, the closer the relationship between Solomon and the Shulammite woman became, the harder it was for them to stay apart from each other. The Foxes in their relationship was anything that could step in and ruin their budding love for each other. This includes when people try to give you advice about the other person that would hurt your relationship? What is trying to sneak in and sully the love you have for each other? What little fears are popping up in your mind and creating doubt?

“Catch for us the little foxes, that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom…” (Song 2:15)

While Solomon and Shulammite were still in the courting stage, and foxes will try to ruin the blooming relationship. This can also happen within marriage as well, if people are not watching for the little foxes. Solomon watched for little foxes … Shulammite continues to search for Solomon, and she continued to look for him and continues to call him “the one my soul loves.” It is apparent nothing has gotten between her and Solomon and she hasn’t allowed anything to come between them. She loved him with her whole self! Despite whatever popped up along the way! She had no fear of the future with Solomon, and she knew she didn’t want to live without him, and he felt the same towards her.

Solomon pursued the Shulammite with tenderness and in love, without diminishing the strength of himself as a man, and as the king that he was. He also made sure she was safe and secure, protected and cherished. When it comes to sexual intimacy need to know that they are safe. That they are able to become vulnerable with the person they are in love with, and knowing the person they are in love with will be vulnerable with them as well. Solomon also made it clear to her how important she was to him. In this case, it is not just a saying of “I Do” but that “I Will.” I will it, I want it, I have prayed about it and it is clear God wants this for me as well, and the other person has prayed about it also. This is also a commitment to treat the other person with the love and respect they deserve, that God wants them to be treated with. When things are difficult, it is a commitment to the I will, that carries the couple through to continue to walk in their “I Do” and actually be who that person is God is calling them to be in the relationship.

In the natural flow of their love, we see both Solomon and the Shulammite leave the comfort of their parents etc to join together in marriage, and cleave to each other instead of their families. When this happens the couple adjusts their expectations of each other and deepen their bonds with each other. Jaynes states there will be no cleaving if there is no leaving. In some ways, ties need to be cut in order for the couple to create the life together God is asking them to create together. Marriage is also a sacred act, not a contract to be followed. As a holy covenant and sacred bond, when instituted by and publicly entered into before God, God blesses that marriage. Additionally, the covenant is similar to the covenant promise to Abraham that was made with the Jewish nation. Jaynes notes: wedding vows are also a binding promise of future love with that person, the being in love with each other and working through disagreements or differences with each other. Romantic love also always points back to God - the Creator of love itself. Solomon and Shulammite celebrated this type of love and the sacredness of their love.

After Solomon and the Shulammite celebrated their vows to God and to each other, and enjoyed the celebration with friends and family. When the festivities were over, Solomon prepared the wedding night for them. While they longed for each other for months, the Shulammite, although shy in some ways, Solomon eased her shyness etc with his words, and his tenderness… so she didn’t doubt that she could trust him with her whole self. He made clear his love and affection for her before their wedding night, as well as on their wedding night. The most important and intimate piece of that was tenderness of heart, his words and his actions aligned with his tenderness of heart. He was also full of joy to be with his bride, before the wedding, during the wedding, and after the wedding, not because of the people that were around them or who had attended the wedding, but because of her. She was also full of joy to be with him. “Solomon tenderly touched the Shulammite’s heart with his words before he touched her body with his hands” (67). In Ch 4 of the Song of Songs we see that Solomon loved to kiss his bride, and loved all of her, with his heart first, then in a physically intimate, deeply sensual way. References are made throughout the poetry etc pointing to arousing sexual desire as well as a symbol of fertility. Yet, there is not shame in this love, as the beauty of true authentic true love and true intimacy as well as true sexual intimacy blessed by the creator, has no shame. She is at peace with Solomon and enjoys the true authentic true love and true intimacy they have with each other. They delight in each other’s spirit, love, physical closeness, and true intimacy with each other.

They are both captivated by each other in the bed chamber and find each other to be wonderful. They respond with delight to each other, and they savor the holy gift of their marriage and the joining of their two bodies together, through sexual intimacy. This intimacy itself in this context, is a reflection of the divine, a reflection of God, and God makes clear it is a good thing for couples to experience the gift of each other, as God, in this context, has given each to each other as a gift. The two become one flesh, and the love they have for each other flows through the intimacy they enjoy and delight in with each other. The wife gives herself to her husband and the husband gives himself to his wife. Jaynes notes: “Solomon reveled and rested in the release of passion. The months of dreaming about each other and being joined as man and wife had finally ended, and it was now their reality…There was no guilt or shame but pure joy in knowing the night was sanctioned and sanctified by God. the union of their bodies were complete; the journey of their souls intertwining had take a monumental leap forward” (83). Jaynes also states that “women are no ‘less holy’ when they are passionately loving their husbands”(81). When both are passionately loving each other, and deep in intimacy and sexual intimacy in their marriage they are not less holy because they are living out their lives vocation to love each other, to marriage, and to the call that God has given them and blessed them with.

Want to know more?!

Stay tuned for our Next Post which goes into This is my beloved and my friend, forgiveness and the dance, and the ageless beauty of committed love….)

(Based on Lovestruck: Discovering God’s Design for Romance, Marriage, & Sexual Intimacy from the Song of Solomon by Sharon Jaynes)

With Analysis, Insight, Writing and Perspective by Mary E. Grenchus

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